PMS. Can a man ever truly understand?

6 things to try if it appears they can not

Hello everyone!

In classic late-August holidays style, I’m on the road right now and have limited time to write, so I’m re-issuing a Q&A we held last month.

I received such a great question from a reader on the topic of PMS and communicating with men… so I thought I’d share the question and my response here. I’ve also included a video demonstrating the emotional release tools I use regularly and a must-use playlist to really let it ALL OUT…

Q:

Hi Claire,

This morning, I totally flipped out at my husband about something really small. I’m in the latter days of my inner autumn, and even wrote my cycle days on the fridge for this week because it’s a time I’m more sensitive and struggle to regulate my emotions. The intention of having it on the fridge was to remind my husband about where I am in my cycle. He got really upset and said he can’t understand how I can go from one person to another in only a few days. It’s as if this version of myself takes him by surprise each month, even though it happens month after month. I’ve tried to explain this to him but he still struggles and I feel it’s because he doesn’t experience it. What’s a good way to talk more about this with him and try get him to realise what I go through each cycle without “womansplaining” it to him?

— Bec (name changed)

A:

I appreciate you sharing so transparently here, Bec. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this tension in your relationship during your pre-menstruum. This dilemma is a common one and you are not alone! I’ve wondered myself many times — how do we cohabit with men during the pre-menstruum or menstruation when it can feel like we live on different planets?

I don’t know much about your relationship with your husband, so I’ll assume he wants to be a great partner for you and vice versa.

With that in mind, I can offer the following thoughts:

1. It’s true that as a male he can never fully understand what it is like to have a menstrual cycle and experience those hormonal fluctuations each day/week/month. That’s tough when the person you love most in the world is never going to fully ‘get’ your experience. But, hard as it may be, we do need to accept this. Thankfully, us clever humans don’t need to have experienced what another is going through to be supportive, empathetic, and available to listen. Which leads me to…